Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
