p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
sex in a hospital.. check
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
