love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
