No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
