dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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