Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
