I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
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Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
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I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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