Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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