Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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