i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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