you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
