Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
