Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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