Fuck appropriateness.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
