dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
