I'm going to jail i love you
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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