Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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