If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
