My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
