Umm I'm too high to move.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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