hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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