Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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