he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
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Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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