You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
