I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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