I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
