i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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