I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
