well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
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I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
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I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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