we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
