My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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