Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
We should try that some time.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"