i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.