the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies