so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Randomize
