you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
worst night to have a conscience
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
