Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
