I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
