so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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