I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
