It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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