Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
