I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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