I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
