got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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