you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There's always time for handjobs
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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