This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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