someone get that fucking seahorse.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
