I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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