Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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