And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
