Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I don't think brook has ever known best
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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