My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
There r osticjed everywhere
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
