Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
