I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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