You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
