I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
