Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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