bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
