i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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