My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
