there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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