I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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