I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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