Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
