I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
