my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
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The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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