the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
