I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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